Hello to you all once again and a warm welcome back to my amazing adventures. It has been a long time since I last ventured anywhere as you will doubtless have realised. During this time back in Blighty I had begun to doubt that I would ever again be sat before a computer typing up another set of tales, but here I am and for two reasons. Firstly I have been exploring the world again and secondly because at the end of my final instalment from New Zealand I said that if I were to stride forth again and write about it you would be amongst the first to know. And so you are. It's rather longer than it was supposed to be and I still left bits out.
This will be only a single instalment for the expedition in question was sadly only 9 days long. It may seem that this amount of time is too short to warrant documentation and on this point I will let you decide and as ever welcome any comments. Before I get on with the good bit however there are two small matters to which I shall attend whilst hoping not to bore you too much in the process.
Firstly I must thank you my readers not only for having found the time to read my instalments to date (and I hope this one as well) but also for those comments offered by some of you. These came mainly in the form of emails regarding specific elements of one story or another. Also after my return home I met some of you (not all of whom I had previously known) all of whom urged me to write more stories from where-so-ever I should go. Anyway enough of this mutual back slapping and on to my second matter.
It occurred to me that some of you may be interested in knowing what I have been doing to fill the time between getting back from New Zealand and setting off to America. Some of you will already know and others may not be interested and if you fit in to either of these categories then simply skip this paragraph and start reading the new stuff. Right, for those of you still reading, when I first got home there was a predictable 'honeymoon period' where I reacquainted myself with all things English. I visited old friends, went to the pub, walked on the moors and drank even more tea than ever. It should never be thought that my liking of travel is based on a dislike of Britain, indeed it was a pleasure to come back to. It was early March (almost exactly a year ago) spring was just starting and the sun was shining an unnatural amount; what could be better. The thing is though that a place can't be lovely to come back to unless you leave it. So as you can imagine (and some of you had hoped) it wasn't long (about 3 weeks) before I had started to think about where I would go next. Now this is where reality presented some problems. To go anywhere I would need money and to get money I needed a job. Initially I did casual work in the local Italian Restaurant. This was not only poorly paid and irregular but was nothing to do with my preferred line of work. Unfortunately the job market wasn't very good and having spent over a year essentially out of work (i.e. travelling) they weren't exactly queuing up to employ me. After a lot of searching and filling in applications I got a job as an ICT Technician in a local secondary school. This was good for two reasons, firstly it was valuable experience and secondly I get lots of holidays in which I could travel. And that about brings you up to date.
OK, OK, I have waffled enough, its time to get down to business. As you will all have guessed from the title I have been to Ohio in the USA. When I first returned from my previous trip my thoughts initially strayed towards a Peruvian adventure and then perhaps to an African or even Indian one and I still entertain these dreams; so why Ohio? Well I have to be honest, I have never in my life had any desire or reason to visit any part of the USA at all. Not because I harboured any dislike of the place, simply because there are so many other places I have reasons to go to that N. America just never got considered. So what had persuaded me to go there? It couldn't be Disney and it couldn't be some NASA launch as neither are in Ohio. In fact off the top of my head I can't think of a single internationally famous thing about Ohio, and I've been there.
In order to explain allow me to take you back to the very beginning. A beginning that begun during my Australian adventures whilst I was living in the Hotel Spencer in Melbourne. As you may by now have forgotten I spent about three months living and working in Melbourne. During my time there I met many other 'long termers' from various places about the globe with whom I became friends. Only one of these is of importance in this tale however and this individual was a gregarious young American called Emily. Back home she was at University and she had casually invited me to come and visit some time to get a taste of the whole American University experience. I can't remember exactly what I said at the time but knowing me it would have been rather noncommittal, after all I still had over six months of travel to be getting on with. Anyway after Melbourne we stayed in touch in addition to her becoming another reader of my adventures (which makes writing this a little odd) and after I had been back home for a while she asks like 'Dude! When are you coming to visit?'. And that's how I ended up on my way to Ohio.
The amount of planning involved in this short trip seemed much greater than that done before I set off to OZ but all seemed to be going well. That is until about a week before I was set to fly. It was then that the military was called in to 'defend' Heathrow airport against a possible terrorist threat. The news was full of pictures of light tanks, troops and armed police. There was much speculation about closures which would have ruined my plans completely. Anyway the day came and nothing bad seemed imminent so I hauled on my rather empty green backpack and set off. This trip started a little differently to my last as rather than getting driven to the airport and setting off from there, this time I got a lift to Ilkley train station and got the train to Leeds and then another one to Kings Cross (London) where I got the tube to Heathrow. It was much more like I just strode out of the front door one morning and arrived in America later that night. I rather enjoyed this idea as I sped through the English countryside on an abnormally lovely day. Everything was going swimmingly, all my trains were on time, I didn't get lost on the underground and I found my way around terminal 3 with out too many problems. Ahh... at last I was on a plane again, the only way to travel, or at least I wish it were. What could possibly go wrong now?
What indeed? Well I settled in to my window seat on the packed plane and immediately discovered that the plug on my airline earphones was snapped off. This however was the least of my worries as the youngish chap that had the seat next to mine started talking to me. He was American and pleasant enough for a stranger. Our plane was headed for Washington where he told me the snow had been falling for a while and the forecast warned that this was just the beginning of a much bigger storm. Not wishing this news to taint my flying experience I pushed it in to a dark crevice at the back of my mind and turned my attention to the window. Although the joy of flying has faded a little with familiarity I still enjoy it and take off is invariably the best bit, and this one was no exception. At last I felt like I was travelling again. The flight was something different because we were flying in the same direction that the Earth spins. This meant that we were 'chasing time' caught in a perpetual evening for the majority of the flight. Eventually we turned more southwards to fly along the edge of Canada and as we did the night caught us and with it a new scene. What had been an unpopulated landscape of snow and ice was replaced with inky blackness for quite some time. Not a single solitary light shone up at the sky for hundreds of miles; but then they started, tiny groups of orange glimmers like the wind scattered embers of some gargantuan blaze.
Before too long we were flying low over Washington's sodium glow as we prepared to land. It didn't look as if it was snowing although there was definitely a decent covering of snow on the ground. It seemed promising, however the view from the plane was a deceptive one as once we had landed things looked quite different. I made my way through the typically aggressive American customs and found my way to the gate that my flight to Columbus was leaving from. I had about an hours wait here and all the time the snow kept falling. I have no idea how much snow is too much snow for things to take off and land and out the window I could see plenty of planes doing just that so I wasn't too worried, but I was starting to get tired. Anyway in due course the gate opened and I wandered down the short corridor to where the plane was. I walked out in to a bracing blizzard being careful not to slip on the slushy snow as I made my way to the steps of the tiniest plane I have been on yet. Inside there were only three seats per row with a narrow aisle separating singles from pairs. I stayed awake for the take off and then the tiredness got the better of me and I slept in an incredibly uncomfortable position until just before we landed at Port Columbus Airport. I wandered what seemed like miles through the deserted airport towards the baggage claim area where I was delighted to find Emily waiting. It was a slightly surreal moment, along my journey through OZ and NZ I picked up many friends, some only for a day, others for months and with only a few I am still in touch. The thing is that even with those with whom I am still in email contact my last memory of them is filed away under 'people I met in OZ'; people I never expected to see again. The surreal moment soon dispersed and there I was stood with the same friend that had seen me off on the 'Spirit of Tasmania' when I left Melbourne almost 18 months before.
From the airport we were being driven back by a friend of Emily's. It was snowing in Columbus too and this in addition to it being after 11pm meant that I didn't learn a great deal about my new surrounding through the car window despite Emily telling me about everything we passed. Once we arrived at her place my tiredness had passed and Emily not being the worlds greatest proponent of sleep suggested we head out to find something to eat. Food came in the form of 'Taco Bell' a fast food outlet specialising in the sale of, well, taco's. Having never heard anything favourable about the place I was pleasantly surprised, although having been on the go for almost 22 hours by then I would have eaten anything. During the final stage of the night I was taken to visit some of Emily's friends. By this stage the candle of my wakefulness was guttering and so 24 hours or so after I got up in sunny Yorkshire I crashed on Emily's sofa with the snow still falling outside the window.
I slept well although probably due to the time difference playing games with me I didn't sleep all that long. When I got up and looked out the window it was still snowing and by the looks of it, it hadn't stopped all night. This was going to present a problem. As I mentioned earlier I was visiting Emily at university and as such she did have some classes to go to during the week. The two days she had the least to do were Sunday and Monday (i.e. today and tomorrow). She had hoped to be able to borrow a car to show me around but this just wasn't going to happen. The snow just would not relent and by the end of Monday it was commonly thought that this was the most snow this part of Ohio had seen in many years. Strange that the same thing happened to me at Cradle Mountain in Tazzy - but you already know about that. Anyway plan 'A' was scuppered but all was not lost. We were essentially confined to campus for two days during which time Emily did her best to show me round and keep me entertained. This was made harder by the weather as visibility was somewhat reduced by the need to keep your eyes half shut to stop the snow getting in. Along the way around we kept stopping off to visit Emily's friends of which there seemed to be an infinite amount. It was at about this time that I started to make social comparisons. After all I wasn't over there just for a holiday I had been invited to experience the whole University thing and while I was at it I would have been a fool to miss an opportunity to scrutinise the Americans I met as well. The first and most noticeable thing is that they were all so friendly and well, for want of a better word, nice. Obviously this isn't a criticism but it is occasionally said on this side of the Atlantic that the whole "Hi how are you, have a nice day" attitude is both annoying and more importantly insincere. I have to say that for the amount of time that I was there it wasn't at all annoying, in fact it was a refreshing change from the less welcoming attitude of many of my own countrymen. I was also quite pleased to discover that the audiences of the Jerry Springer show are not representative of the people of America. I don't think I met anyone as fat, stupid or as easily enraged as those with whom Mr.Springer spends his working day. All in all a promising sign, its just a shame that the image that America exports to the world invites ridicule.
Anyway on the Monday evening the snow was starting to calm down a bit and after getting some help to dig out the car we headed down to a bar; which was closed due to the snow. We found another one where I got my first taste of American beer (apart from Budweiser which doesn't count) if I remember rightly it was Burning River Pale Ale or some such. It was pretty good. Another observation I made here was that the amount of home grown beer on sale seemed rather slight. Having assumed that the whole of America was kept afloat on Budweiser I was surprised to discover not only that their preference is not for Lager but also they seem to love imported beer. Odder still the vast majority of it was imported from Britain, there was lots of Guinness and some Newcastle Brown Ale and Caffery's and Worthington's and the list goes on. It would seem that globalisation is not a one way street.
The next day the snow had almost stopped and the sky seemed a little brighter. Emily had some classes to go to and I tagged along to one or two in order to further my investigations but the real treat of the day was yet to come. You see at university Emily is majoring in Theatre Performance and so it should be no surprise that she should be performing in a play. When my visit was first planned she wasn't even sure if she would be in the play or not, never mind exactly when it would be. So it was a happy accident that I should end up visiting when it happened to be showing. Anyway the play was a musical adaptation of James Joyce's "The Dead", in which Emily played the part of Aunt Kate. I have to say that it was very good, and not just because Emily will be reading this. I am pleased to report that it was both entertaining and jolly, for as some of you may know I can't stand films and plays that are miserable. It was also quite cool to see a play with people in it I knew, or at least had met, for I had been introduced to several of the other actors earlier in the week.
By the time Thursday came the snow had held off long enough for most of the roads to have been cleared and so we borrowed a car and headed off campus towards a sort of purpose built "shopping town" which if I remember correctly was loosely referred to as Eastern but I could be wrong. Our first port of call here was a restaurant called "The Cheese Cake Factory" which did sell cheese cake but this seemed somewhat secondary to the rest of the menu in a way that desert so often is. Anyway as we lunched I cast a curious eye over the stylised ancient Egyptian interior design. No explanation was given for this choice of decor and it certainly wasn't obvious but it was still pretty groovy and it made a change. After filling up on pasta and with doggy bag in hand we took a wander about this living homage to consumerism. The sun had come out and as we passed from building to building (each a shopping centre in itself) we were immersed in outdoor piped music, which was perhaps my favourite part of it, never having been one for shopping.
Next on our tour was Columbus itself. A decent size city with a defined centre and some nice looking buildings; you could probably have a decent night out there and should you ever do so then let me know how it was. Our schedule however would not permit this as Emily was performing again that night and there was still one place to visit before we had to head back. It was a treat that she had been threatening me with ever since I arrived and I had to wonder if her stated motive for taking me there was indeed the whole of the truth. She had felt that in what short time I had to experience American culture that this one place in some way embodied the spirit and essence of the nation. Now earlier in this text I tried to defend the image of the States by distancing it from the Jerry Springer Show, so it is perhaps a little damming that the place I was taken to was "Hooters". Now some of you may not be familiar with Hooters and to be fair I had only learned about it from films so allow me to explain. Hooters is essentially a kind of theme bar that also does food. The interior was largely bare unpolished wood with a hand full of self promoting objects nailed to the walls by way of decoration. There were TV's in the top corners of the room showing gymnastics if I remember correctly; perhaps the sport channel was finding it hard to fill air time. Anyway none of this quite gets at what the theme in question is. Well Hooters is primarily staffed with slender, well groomed, fairly well endowed young ladies all wearing the Hooters uniform of tight white vest and tiny orange shorts. All of which is bundled together in an 'Oh so acceptable', 'family fun' kind of way. And of course there's nothing WRONG with this but despite the brazenness of the whole thing lending it some illusion of credulity it still fundamentally lacks class (sorry Em.). I know that makes me sound stuck up and perhaps I am or perhaps I completely missed the point. Anyway that said, we sat at a table and ordered some desert not having had any cheesecake at the cheesecake factory. The key lime pie was pretty good (just in case you ever go there) and before we left Emily kindly bought me a souvenir so that I could always remember my visit to Hooters and presumably to America as well. So now on my wall at home hangs (in pride of place) the Hooters calendar.
Friday brought back the clouds but no more snow fell, in fact it felt a touch warmer and the snow seemed to be starting to melt. Again today we managed to borrow a car off of another of Emily's friends and this time we were headed to more conventional places. Emily was determined that I should buy some Ohio specific souvenirs. I have never been one for souvenirs much in the past especially whilst in OZ as anything I bought I had to carry for months and months. This trip was different of course and so I felt that getting something functional was the best solution. So now (quite literally in this case) I can be reminded of Ohio every time I have a cup of tea (up to 14 times a day on weekends) in my Ohio mug! Our shopping trip wasn't just for mementoes we also needed to get some plastic cups and grog for a Cast party Emily was chucking at her gaff after the performance that night. Here again I was faced with a comprehensive array of British and European beers and spirits. It still seemed weird and after OZ and NZ having had such patriotic drinkers it was weirder still.
That night I went to see the play a second time and enjoyed it even more than the first time. I had a better seat, the audience seemed more awake and the performance also seemed slightly improved. This done it was party time and it was a party like none I ever went to at university. I don't know if this is a reflection of a cultural difference or merely that those people at the party were all of a certain (fairly rare) type. Or perhaps I just went to some pretty dodgy parties. All but one person was well behaved. Only one person got mindlessly drunk and even he allowed his friends to take him in hand. Again there was this general air of cordiality that I had noted throughout my stay. No one smoked indoors (which was probably one of the rules of the accommodation but even so). No one seemed to be on drugs. But wait, the weirdest thing was this. All of a sudden I notice that just about everyone had started dancing at once, well it was more like 'pogoing' which in itself wasn't so bizarre. Not until I tell you that the song that got them all going was that one that goes "I would walk 500 miles" by the Proclaimers. I just stood and stared. What else could I do? I mean don't forget that many of these people were pretty sober. This said I did enjoy the party and I was surprised just how many people there I recognised enough to have a conversation with.
The party had ended abruptly before 2am when everyone spontaneously decided to go in search of food. We also went to find food but shortly afterwards I had to get some sleep as the next day I was flying home.
After a late start I got up just in time for Emily's parents, grandparents, sister and cousin to turn up. Neither Emily nor I were firing on all cylinders and her sister and cousin were also somewhat subdued having had a late night themselves so we weren't the liveliest bunch. So much so that after going out to lunch at the 'Olive Garden' an Italian style chain restaurant, the older folk went to do their own thing and us 'kids' all went to sleep for a couple of hours. Which just about brings me to the point of having to leave. Sadly due to the time of my flight Emily wasn't able to come to the airport as she had to do the play for the final night. It had been arranged that I would get a lift to the airport with some friends of Emily's and so it was time to say goodbye. I have to say that it didn't feel like I had been there a week, I felt cheated, it was like I had only just got there. Perhaps due to the time difference and perhaps due to the irregular hours we had kept the whole week had seemed like one long day. I suppose one of the luxuries of my previous travels was time.
My journey home was more eventful than I would have liked but I will try to describe it briefly as this is already a bit longer than I had intended. After we finally found the airport which it took us almost an hour to reach I was in a bit of a rush and despite my normal external calmness, perhaps due to being tired and feeling a bit rough I started to stress about it. I was also unsure if the plane would be cancelled due to the ever worsening rain.
I got my bag checked and found where I had to go and wait for the plane. As time passed I calmed down again only to be told that the plane was late as it couldn't land. Then people with connecting flights were called to the desk and advised to change flights as even if it landed it would likely not take off again as the weather in Washington was worse. So I get a seat on the next flight to Chicago with a connection to London from there. This wasn't so bad as the Chicago flight was leaving right away. We got to Chicago in no time at all and I found my connection OK. When I did though I found it was quite seriously over booked and so it was touch and go as to weather I would get a seat on it and in to the bargain they thought they had lost my bag.
Anyway at last I was on the plane back to England and everything seemed to be alright again, no more need to panic. Only the take off time came and went and then some more time passed and the captain kept telling us that we would be going soon and that there was a problem finding some baggage from some transferred passengers. Naturally I suspected it would be my bag that was still lost but eventually it turned out that it was some international passengers who needed their bags checked by security. So all this takes over an hour while we sit in the plane. It was at this stage that I suspected that I would miss my train once I got back to London. I had allowed 2 hours space between my intended landing time and getting the train just in case of such a problem but even this was not enough.
Eventually we took off and I was very glad to be so tired that I slept most of the way home. Back in London I cleared customs and found my bag in record time and dived underground to get the tube to Kings Cross only to discover that half the underground system was closed for various reasons and so yet more time was lost. When I finally got to Kings Cross Station I had not only missed my train but the one after that as well and so I rearranged my ticket for a rather pricey 36quid and went to find some food before the train turned up.
From here it was pretty much plain sailing, the train got in on time to Leeds and then it was just one more short local train trip back home. Needless to say I slept well that night.
Anyway next day I was up bright and early and back at work which all seems too familiar and routine.
Having said at the beginning of this adventure that I had never had any reason to go to the USA, I suppose I should ask myself if I would now want to go back again. Well I am slightly surprised to say (and I know I shouldn't be) that from what little I saw I was oddly taken by the place and the people, who were not what I expected at all (Thanks Jerry!). So yes I would think of going again, although as yet I have no plans to go anywhere. Just as before however when (not if) I do and when I write about it you will be amongst the first to know.
Drop me an e-mail sometime,
David.